


One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

by deletedsystem32



Series: A Reunion And After [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Shironeki | White-haired Kaneki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-09 02:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11659620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deletedsystem32/pseuds/deletedsystem32
Summary: Everything has been going smoothly since Hide and Kaneki began to move into their new apartment, but that changes when Kaneki comes across an object that brings back painful memories from the past. In the midst of a flashback, he endangers Hide. Can he forgive himself?





	One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**Author's Note:**

> Aaand here it is! Part two of the "A Reunion and After" series!

 

Hide and Kaneki were in the middle of moving to a new apartment they had found in the peaceful 20th Ward.

After some discussion, they had decided that it would be best for both of them if they lived in the same apartment. That way, Hide would be there to help keep Kaneki grounded and to try to help him, and Kaneki would be there to protect Hide.

The one they chose wasn't large as far as apartments go, but it wasn't small, either. It had two floors—a ground floor and a basement, and it was in a relatively isolated, relatively empty building. It was completely bare, so they got it at an extremely low price—they would bring in their own furniture (which would be  _much_ easier with Kaneki's half-ghoul strength).

Packed and partially unpacked boxes were stacked haphazardly throughout the place, items strewn across the floor in the process of putting everything away. It had been uneventful so far—simply a tedious task that had to be done—and everything seemed to be going smoothly.

Until Hide heard Kaneki's scream from the basement, that is.

He rushed down the stairs as fast as he could, the sound of a box toppling over and the items inside crashing to the floor accompanying him. He slowed when he got to the bottom—there was no telling what state Kaneki would be in, and he needed to be careful. Kaneki would never, ever intentionally hurt him, but accidents can happen—especially during flashbacks.

Hide could already hear that this was bad. He heard Kaneki's choking sobs, interspersed with the habitual counting. He turned the corner, and found him pressed up against the far wall in a sitting position, shaking, with his hands up as if shielding himself from something. He walked towards his best friend and crouched down several feet away, trying to get his attention.

"Hey, Kaneki. Kaneki, look at me. There's nothing here that's gonna hurt you, okay?"

Kaneki gave no indication that he had heard his best friend. He simply continued to count with his eyes squeezed shut and his entire body shaking.

_Okay, this is bad,_ Hide thought.  _I need to figure out what caused this and get it out of here before I even_ think  _about calming him down._

Hide stood up and looked to the floor, the table, the couch, but couldn't tell what object had caused this—everything was too scattered. However, there was one item apart from the rest: an old, rusty pair of slip-joint pliers.

_Could... Could that be it? But why?_

Kaneki still hadn't told Hide exactly what had happened during those ten days of hell. He had the basics: Jason had tortured him by ripping off his fingers and toes, using Rc suppressants to weaken him. But that was pretty much the extent of what Hide knew. He picked up the pliers with the intent to move them out of sight.

Unfortunately, however, Kaneki chose that moment to look up, which Hide perceived as him starting to regain his grasp on reality. But Kaneki was still caught in his hysteria, and all he saw was his best friend with  _those godforsaken pliers._

"Kaneki, is this-"

"NO! God no  _please_ I'm so sorry I'm so fucking sorry please don't pleasedon'tpleasedon'tpleasedon-"

"Hey, hey! Kaneki, it's okay," Hide said, still unsure why  _pliers_  were causing such a reaction in his best friend. "C'mon, talk to me. What's going on?" He took a step forward, not realizing the implications of the action in Kaneki's mind.

"NO, DON'T!" he practically shrieked, raising his hands more as the shaking intensified. "Don't come any closer! Please don't oh  _god_  please no!" He turned his head away, squeezing his eyes shut once more.

"Kaneki, it's just me! Hey, look at me!" He took another step, now forgetting about the pliers as worry for Kaneki took up his mind.

Kaneki heard the footstep, and his head whipped back up.

"No..." he whispered, his eyes wide.

There was no way this could be real. There was no way that  _Jason_ was here, standing in front of him with the pliers. And yet, that was what he saw—reality was indecipherable from the flashback.

Kaneki decided that he would  _not_ be the victim once again. His face twisted into an expression of pure rage and he leapt at Jason with a yell.

" ** _YOU!_** " he yelled, pinning him to the floor and bringing out his own kagune, kakugan activating in the process. The pliers clattered out of Jason's hand and off to the side.

Kaneki glared down at the man who had caused him  _so much pain._  He tightened his grip on Jason's upper arms to a painful degree, causing him to cry out.

"You took  _so goddamn much_ from me, you _fucking_   _monster!_  So, I hope you won't mind if I take from  _you,_ " Kaneki said, leaning down towards Jason's neck, intending to rip out the ghoul's throat with his teeth. Jason struggled beneath him, and just as Kaneki was about to clamp down on the neck of the man who had cost him his sanity, he heard a yell right next to his ear:

" _KANEKI!_ "

The half-ghoul startled at the high volume of the voice that sounded almost like...

"H-Hide...?"

His vision cleared, and scared brown eyes met his. There, cowering beneath him, was Hide.

"Oh- Oh god. Oh my  _god!_ " Kaneki said, his voice cracking as he quickly scrambled off of Hide, who let out a shaky sigh of relief and gingerly sat up, rubbing his upper arms. "Hide- Hide I'm so,  _so_ fucking sorry! Y-You weren't  _you,_ you were Jason and I thought- and you had the pliers and I- I-"

"Kaneki."

Just that one word stopped him in his tracks as he looked at Hide with nothing but fear.  _This has to be it,_ Kaneki thought. _This has to be the final straw. I've fucked up. I've fucked up big time and there's no way to fix this._

"First of all," Hide began, and Kaneki couldn't help but flinch, knowing that this was  _it._ All the  _I'm sorry_ 's in the world wouldn't help now. "Come here."

Kaneki looked at his best friend in shock.  _I just almost tore his throat out and he wants to be_ near me _?!_

"No? Alright, then I'm going over there."

Kaneki backed away as Hide stood up and walked toward him. His back hit the wall, and he started to panic.

"Hide, don't come near me!"

Hide stopped, looking genuinely confused.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, 'Why?' I'm- I'm just going to end up hurting you again!"

Hide sighed.

"Kaneki, do you see me as  _me_  right now?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then you're not going to hurt me. I  _know_ you would never intentionally do that."

"But I just tried to-"

"You were having a flashback. I'm not going to pretend that what happened was okay, but I'm also not going to blame you for it. It's not your fault. We do need to figure out how to keep it from happening again, though. I prefer to have my throat  _in_ my body, thank you very much!" Hide said with a grin, trying to crack a joke.

"H-How can you joke about this?! I almost killed you!"

Hide's face turned serious again.

"But you didn't."

"But I almost-"

"But you  _didn't,_ Kaneki."

The half-ghoul remained silent.

"Hey. Stop looking at me like that," Hide said. "If anyone should be looking at anyone else with fear,  _I_ should be looking at  _you._  But I'm not. Because I know how tough this is for you, and I know how bad it can get, and I know that accidents happen. It's okay, Kaneki. I really don't blame you for this."

"...Really?" he said after a silent moment.

"Yes, really," Hide said, giving a bright grin. "Now, can I come over there?"

Kaneki looked down, but gave a reluctant nod. Hide crossed the remaining space and wrapped his arms around Kaneki, who immediately tensed.

"It's  _okay,_ Kaneki. No harm done," Hide said quietly.

And with that, Kaneki practically collapsed into Hide's arms, sobbing and apologizing and wondering what he could have possibly done to deserve someone as amazing as Hide in his life.

However, Hide, above all else, was worried for his best friend. He had doubts that he would never voice: he wasn't sure he was going to be  _able_  to help Kaneki. After all, when things like this happened, he couldn't help but feel like he made things worse. Kaneki was so afraid of hurting him, it was like he was constantly walking on eggshells.

_That kind of stress can't be good for him,_ Hide thought.  _It can't be good for either of us. But I guess only time will tell how—_ if  _this will work out._

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has any suggestions as to what they'd like to see in this series, feel free to drop it in a review. I will warn you that I am extremely picky about suggestions. Everyone's suggestions will be considered, but only some will actually be done.


End file.
